Le Plastique, C'est Fantastique

Bang, bang, t'as le cœur à l'envers

Bang, bang, you've got your heart upside down

Just before you get too excited

You know that to do the trick

You'd better get out the rubber bands *

Welcome to Thailand!

In a minivan, poorly seated, with the air conditioning blowing in my face, I'm on my way from Patong to the Phuket jetski club to travel to the magnificent Phi Phi Islands.

Thailand always stirs conflicting emotions within me, torn between the allure of its beauty and the discomfort of its bustling tourist scene. This dichotomy extends further, as it serves as a dual outlet for wealthy foreigners, from East and West alike, seeking indulgence and escape. During my latest visit, I encountered more prosaic contradictions—awe-inspiring landscapes, warm locals on one side, a sea of disposable plastic waste, and the pungent smell of exhaust fumes on the other.

My initial surprise soon turned to unease and a deep sense of helplessness in Phi Phi Le, the magnificent island in the Andaman Sea—a visit to the iconic "selfie mecca" made famous by the Hollywood film. "The Beach" drew the flow of tourists, myself included, which continues to take its toll on the local ecosystem.

Inside the minivan, filled with adventure-seeking tourists, three dashboard figurines with exaggerated breasts bounced incessantly with each jolt from the young driver's pedal maneuvers. At times, the minivan approached dangerously close to scooters, a common sight on Asian roads. But each time, miraculously, at the last second, the driver avoids running them over, the passengers blissfully unaware. The driver defied traffic norms, as we tourists disregard the environment we admire. The couple beside me remained entranced by the figurines glued feet-first to the dashboard.

We're all entangled in this world by our psyche, habits, obsessions, and fantasies. The couple tried to capture the figurines for posterity on the multifunctional gadget that our cell phones have become—the extensions of our obsessions, an elusive object of omnipotence to compensate for our permanent shortcomings.

Our journey began at the Phuket jetski club, where "Sexy Sandy," a lady-boy instructor, greeted us and offered safety advice or, instead, a profit-making move. She insisted we buy slippers to protect our feet from sea urchins and sharp objects in the shallow waters on the wild beaches of the magnificent islands we would visit. The trip on the boat was expected to take an hour, with instructors providing safety guidelines accompanied by well-rehearsed jokes delivered with impeccable timing. Plastic cups were distributed for water, and used cups were diligently collected in large black plastic garbage bags. From luscious figurines to the cups, plastic is everywhere.

I thought at least our plastic cups weren't being thrown overboard. At least not in our presence. Maybe later. To ensure my tourist conscience was clean, I approached one of the instructors and asked her what would become of all this plastic garbage. Neither of them knew.

I couldn't help but ponder the destiny of this plastic waste and whether replacing it with biodegradable materials might be a viable solution. My surprise deepened at lunch when almost everything was served in plastic, leading to a substantial amount of plastic waste collected in large bags. At that rate, I thought Asia would soon be covered with plastic.

Our second stop took us to Loh Samah Bay. A short walk through the woods led us to the famous Maya Bay, where swimming had been prohibited post-COVID to protect the revitalized ecosystem. Nonetheless, a few defied the ban to take a quick dip. After taking selfies and enjoying refreshments, followed by a wee-wee in flooded toilets, whose acrid stench starkly contrasts with the stunning surroundings, we were shepherded back to the boat.

Some ventured into the water at the next stop in Pileh Bay while I embarked on a long-tail boat to see the resident monkeys. With each acceleration, the boat's engine coughed black smoke, again wholly contrasting to the breathtaking environment. A monkey appeared striding towards the beach, his majestic stature indifferent to the childish excitement of the tourists. While I observed this, I couldn't help but think of great visionaries of our time like Musk and Bezos, self-centered but less majestic than the monkey, in their extravagant investments in ventures. I thought of the huge contrast to the relatively modest cost of transitioning to electric boat motors. It may appear unambitious to the visionaries and I would agree with them. But I humbly thought it's a necessary starting point. I contemplated ways to fund the shift to electric motors for these Long Tail boats in an environment free from the plastic malediction.

On the journey back, the figurines continued their relentless, rhythmic dance. I found myself at a loss for any immediate solution. As I gazed past them, I could sense that, after a long day, many remained immersed in their own world, much like the captivating monkey I had encountered on the island, seemingly unaware of the unfortunate plight that the enchanting island landscapes were enduring.

Bang, bang, you've got your heart upside down

_______________________________________

* A French song by Elmer Food Beat